Here it is, another Mother's Day sneaking up. Should be happy but I don't seem to feel that way. Maybe I'm just getting old. Ha ha. I am.
Do you ever get the feeling of, I want to say depression, but it's really not. It's just a ho-hum mood I guess.
Not really happy the way things are going, but not sad. So hard to put a word or two on the way a person feels when they feel this way. Maybe I''m just not happy with myself. I think I should be doing more than I do, but then I think...Why. Guess I've always been that way. Never had it easy, had to do most everything myself, or if it's done, it's not done the way I think it should be. A perfectionist? No. Not hardly. I just think it should be more my way. Sounds weird huh.
My mind generally goes a million miles a minute, that's why I decided to blog. Hoping that I can clear some of the cobwebs from my brain. And get something going that's on a clear path.
Been trying to write something about my life. Think it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. It' is just sitting in my mind right now. Have a few notes on paper, but not enough to come to any conclusion or where to start. Already know the ending, or should say to date, but I can't seem to start from the beginning. Maybe I don't know where the beginning is. Will keep working on it.
Went to the poultry auction couple of weeks ago. have four chicks to care for. Do you ever think animals are your answer to life? Sometimes I do. It's kind of a mixed emotion. I need animals around me. But then sometimes I wonder what the heck I'm doing. Why do I want to tie myself down. Guess in some ways I need to concentrate on something beside myself and my personal problems. Other times I'd like to take a weeks vacation, but then I have my animals to care for. Actually they keep me sane and relaxed most of the time. It's really a toss up what to do.
Do you think I may be two people? Not really two different personalities, but one person living in two different time periods at once. Has anyone else ever had this problem? I wonder.
One thing I know I need to keep my sanity is ROOM. I need room to stretch out my things where I can find anything when I need it. If I have to move this or that to find it, I get frustrated and give up for awhile. Then another time, I want it again and go looking. Sometimes I give up, sometimes I keep trying to find it, but if I do, I soon lose interest. And I need to be able to see whats around me. No, not just look around, but literally see as far as I can without something in the way. Wide open spaces with nothing in sight. Makes my soul feel free I think. Go for the Gusto, do it, I guess I should be thinking, but hey, my brain isn't wired that way, it's to realistic but sometimes it miss-fires.
I think I have always lived in two time periods, and that's why I'm so confused all the time.
Crazy? Yeah, maybe. But I still like being me. I am unique, I doubt that there are many like me. I just wish I could come to some kind of a decision that would make my mind happier.
BL